Green Trees and Red Clouds
by bombsareforbabies
Summary: Itachi wakes up to the being known as Rock Lee. He falls hard, and doesn't even get the chance to have his dramatic gay crisis. CRACKFIC


When Itachi wakes up from the daze of bloody vomit and arrhythmia, he expects the dark, cavernous ceiling of the Akatsuki base. Instead he gets the bright fluorescent lights of a hospital. He can smell a faint woodsy scent underneath the sterile reek.

Konoha. But he has no idea how he has gotten here. All that he remembers is thinking that he needs to survive, needs to hold on for Sasuke, and cursing himself as he falls.

He does not remember hitting the ground. Still, he cannot understand how he got here, or who would-

"YOSH! Your Youth truly shines brightly!" The voice comes from the doorway, and when he turns to look all he sees is green. He remembers the same green enveloping him instead of the cold, soaked grass, and the way that it made him feel warm; warmth is a rare thing when one is as sick as he. His face flushes, just a bit, at the memory of collapsing into the sturdy embrace that smelled like his long missed home.

And now, this man who has, by now, been informed of his identity is still here to visit him. Although, considering the lack of jail cells and Torture and Interrogation personnel, the Hokage has most likely made it clear to the higher ups and his rescuer that he is not exactly the monster he portrayed himself as. Still, even with that knowledge most would not come within a fifty foot radius of him.

"I am Rock Lee, proud shinobi of the Hidden Leaf Village! Since I was the one that found you, Lady Hokage has seen it fit that I take care of you until further accommodations are made!" His words sound like they have come straight off of a mission scroll, which they probably did, but the enthusiasm in his voice is strong and real. It makes Itachi chuckle, and then devolve into coughs.

"Nice to meet you Lee-san." Itachi speaks once he has gotten his breath back again. "I am Uchiha Itachi.

.

Lee's room is loud and it unabashedly stands out; it is the opposite of Itachi's drab and plain room at the base. The walls are filled with pictures, most of his teammates and sensei. There is at least one picture of a team member in drag in the collection of photos, but in all of them they look happy (or trying not to and failing). The smiling faces, the casual affection; Itachi had no idea how much he missed it before today.

"Ah, those are my teammates!" Lee comes up behind him, and looks over his shoulder, standing on his tippy toes. He points to each person and says their name, going on about them and their personality and how they will be just so happy for another person to train with.

Itachi doubts it, especially considering who it is that he would be bringing, but cannot bring himself to tell the other as such. He does not want Lee to stop his outlandish happiness and excitement. For some reason, even though he should find it a bit annoying, Itachi wants to keep basking in it forever.

.

The guest bed (aka the couch) is surprisingly comfortable. Lee has taken it upon himself to treat Itachi like a person with the flu, and despite several quiet dismissals will not stop wrapping him up in fluffy blankets. Itachi does not really mind, and he has a feeling that Lee has picked up on that.

Eventually Lee comes into the room, holding what appears to be burnt chicken soup. He watches Itachi intently with his wide, round eyes. The dark haired man feels his cheeks flush at the stare. He tries to hide his blush with his long bangs. Nobody has looked Itachi in the eyes since he-

"Itachi-san, your face is red!" A bandaged hand is put on his cheek, as he has not taken off his hitai-ate, and he can feel the rough callouses at the tip of Lee's fingers. He feels himself become even warmer.

"Do not worry yourself, I am fi-" He tries to continue, but Lee stuffs his mouth with a spoon full of soup.

.

The next day he finds himself sitting under the shade of a tree. The pills that the Hokage has prescribed him are working quickly but they are not magic, so Itachi has to sit and stay hydrated for a few more weeks before he can even think about training. Or, at least that is what the pink haired girl that interrupted their walk says. She also starts to squawk at Lee when she finds out that he had been planning on taking Itachi to train with Team Gai.

"Sakura-chan is so smart…" There are hearts in Lee's eyes, and Itachi finds his mood sour just a bit. But at least he is able to sit outside and watch the training.

The way that Lee moves in battle, all movement and speed and power, is fascinating. It is so different from his own graceful and still style, and he cannot help but wonder if the man would be willing to teach him some taijutsu techniques; his stamina is going to rise soon, and expanding his movepool will only help.

.

"Since you can't train, I will take you to that tea shop you have been staring at!"

The declaration is sweet, but Itachi cannot help but wonder how exactly Lee has managed to catch his looks towards the small building. If he noticed Itachi looking at that, then he may have seen the increasing amount of glances that have been sent his way. As a former ANBU Itachi has had training to ensure that he does not give away his emotions with body language, so instead of stuttering like a schoolchild he nods.

The walk there is calm, and nobody bothers them; mostly because of Itachi's presence, but the man does not really mind. He does not like large crowds and noises. At least, he thinks, glancing next to him, most of the time. The chatterbox next to him is… Nice to be around.

.

Sipping tea is not Lee's forte. Itachi can tell, by the way that he holds the cup. He is a bright dot in the calm place, and he is totally oblivious to that fact.

Lee keeps talking about the Springtime of Youth, and how Youthful everything is and crying manly tears all over the place. Some of the patrons give them both dirty looks, but Itachi cannot find himself annoyed with Lee. Instead, he feels it is sort of endearing.

.

It is on the first day that he has been cleared to train that Itachi realizes he may have a small (huge) crush on the younger man.

His lungs are feeling less like paper, and he can see with the help of glasses or contacts. It is surprising what a pill with Tsunade's chakra packed into it can do. He is thankful, although he wishes that the one who brings the pills was somebody else. Whenever Sakura is nearby something twists in his gut, especially with the way that Lee melts around her.

It is obvious that she does not, nor ever will, return his feelings, so why does he keep chasing after her? Especially when he already has somebody who really, really likes him in the romantic sense. Wait.

And then Itachi proceeds to have a huge gay crisis.

.

Itachi is a ninja. He lives in the shadows, deceives for the good of those that he cares about, and has loose but sturdy morals. He has no need for romance or love or any of that. And then Lee touches his face again, asking if he feels okay, and Itachi gives up on denying his crush. Because it is hard to deny something that is right in front of you with round eyes and strangely kissable lips.

Itachi is in deep, and he has no clue how far it will go.

So he has a gay crisis. Actually, it is more of a romantic crisis in general, because of all the people he has loved in that way, exactly none of them survived. And that is what worries him the most, but labelling it a gay crisis makes it seem more like he is struggling to come to terms with his sexuality rather than debating whether or not his love life is literally cursed. Because admitting to having a cursed love life is much harder than saying that he was brought up in a strict and conservative clan, where anything that was considered 'strange' was frowned upon.

He sees Sakura's eyes widen just a bit, because she is not as naive as Lee when it comes to stuff like this, and he can read her lips as she mouths: 'Itachi and Lee, sitting in a tree…'

.

Itachi is not pouting because Lee has a mission. He tells Sakura as much.

"You know that you can't lie to me while under my watch, right? It is technically unlawful to feed me that crap." She then carves I+L in the middle of a heart on a tree.

There are times when, despite his love of peace, he wants to murder someone.

.

Sakura is planning something, Itachi can just tell. When he confronts her, she shrugs. "Why can't I hang out with my new Gay Best Friend?"

He says that he isn't. "Fine, Bi Best Friend."

He tells her that she is avoiding the topic. "I think I'm the only one actually discussing it, Itachi-kun."

She then proceeds to do something involving medical herbs and poisons that he should not be inhaling. Because of course she is.

.

When Lee comes back Itachi wants to literally hide in the warmth of his eyebrows and never come back out.

He waits calmly by the gaits, and tries not to cough when the green clad man kicks up dust from running so fast. A few minutes later his two teammates walk calmly into the village, and glare at how close he is to their friend. He does not blame them, but he doesn't have to like it.

"Welcome home, Lee."

.

It starts with the Hyuuga boy glaring at him, yet again, and him glaring right back. Lee is oblivious and happy and has no clue as to why Neji does not want him to fight Itachi.

Itachi knows he will not hurt Lee, but apparently nobody is going to believe him on that front. They cannot deny that a spar was promised, though. So whether they like it or not, Itachi is going to have a spar with his not-so-secret-thank-you-very-much-Sakura crush.

.

They are both sweating by the end of it. And wow Lee has a very well sculpted body. Especially with the way his chest is heaving with his rapid breathing, and the calm daze that he gets in his eyes after a good workout. Not to mention the fact that what Lee wears leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination.

"Itachi-san! Your nose is bleeding." So it is.

He can hear Tenten giggle, and knows that another kunoichi has figured out his little crush.

.

"Just kiss him!" Apparently Itachi is now everybody's GBF. Even Shikamaru used him for a wingman, before he left him alone in the middle of a club so he could take a freaking nap. "I'll drop clues from my end!" Tenten is prodding him with a chopstick.

"And by clues, I assume you mean yelling it in his ear while showing him some of your manga collection."

"Exactly!"

.

When he sees Sakura later, he knows exactly the kind of BL manga shit they have planned. She sneaks behind Lee, who is enthusiastically telling him about Gai-sensei.

Itachi shakes his head no, but Sakura nods yes. Lee does not know the importance of the exchange going on, so all he does is say: "Itachi-san, you don't look so goo-!" And Sakura pushes him.

As far as kisses go, it is one of the more painful ones he has. (Not the most, that title is reserved for Itachi's one and only honeypot mission that involved seducing the wife of a powerful merchant.) He feels his teeth chatter as Lee's mouth smacks onto his from the force of nature that is Sakura, and they both go down.

And he is kissing Lee.

He is on the ground kissing Rock Lee. Who hasn't pulled away.

Uchiha Itachi is on the ground with Rock Lee and they are kissing. And then somebody starts using tongue. He can hear the camera shutters of most of the recruits that Sakura has sucked into her diabolical shipping mission, but he does not care.


End file.
